My short and sweet testimony!

Lately I have been reminded of where I am at in life.  I think of where I have came from and all that I have faced in my life.  I cant say I faced more than the average person, but I definitely have had my share of storms.  I have met alot of new people the past year, who may not really know my story, so I've been wanting to write my whole testimony, but decided I want to make it more short and sweet and if anyone has any questions, I'm an open book and would love to share more.  Each storm and each lesson in this life has made me who I am today.  Some of them I took the long road, some of them needed to happen just because and I believe some of them were so I could help others.  I wouldn't take anything in my life back or change it.  I would like to of changed the way I handled certain situations, but then again I wouldn't of had this season of growth from the past year.  So again, it all happens the way it should......

The beginning.....

I was born in Dallas Texas, and lived there till I was 6 years old as an only child.  My mother wanted to start a new chapter in her life after her mom, my grandmother passed away.  My mom didn't have much and we moved to Wichita Falls and we started at the bottom with just the two of us.  A year went by, my grandpa retired from the business he owned in Dallas and sold his house and came and lived with my mother and myself.  

When I was 8 years old, 2 days before my 9th birthday, my preacher came to my house and that's when I accepted Jesus in my heart.  The following Sunday I was baptised and let me tell you......I cried when I got saved and when I got baptised and to this day I cry like a baby when someone accepts Jesus in their heart (getting teary eyed now).  

When I was 10 years old my mom bought our house, the house to this day I still live in.  I was raised by a loving mother who lived and breathed me which now I have learned wasn't all that good.  My grandpa was also very active in my life as a coach for my softball-years and was a great and loving grandfather.

Somewhere around my early teen years, my mom found out she had melanoma (skin cancer) on her arm.  She got it cut off and didn't have to take treatment.  A year or so later, she found out she had ovarian cancer.  The Dr's did a bad surgery on her where they couldn't open her up anymore and so she then had to do treatment.  What's weird is as I'm writing this, I really cant remember much.  My mom kept alot of stuff from me and acted fine and happy majority of the time.  My mom always knew I worried to where it made me sick.  My mom was my best friend and I could tell her anything.  She never put pressure on me and let me be me.  My mom never tried to make me into someone I wasn't, but at the same time kept on the right track.  My mom always stood up for me and wanted the best for me, even to this day I hope I can be half of the woman and mom she was to me.

Age 16.....

 

In March of 2001, I met my first boyfriend,  Mark online.  We started to talk, write letters and buy calling cards so we could talk on the phone (way before phones and video chat).  He lived in San Antonio and I lived here in Wichita Falls.  We were both Juniors in High school at the time.

My mom fought her cancer for 2 years.  I got mad at God when I was 15 when my mom was dieing and she told me that she's going to stop her treatment.  I told my mom that I was mad at God cause He could fix her.  She didn't want me mad at God and told me that she would pray for me and asked me to pray about the situation for comfort and peace.  A few days later, I remember pacing back and forth in my room, I knew deep in my heart I needed to go tell my mother it was okay for her to die.  Do you know how hard that is for a 15 year old, only child, to her only parent?  I went and told my mom with tears down my face and I remember we had alot of moments where we would cry together about what we were facing.  I could share so much more, but this would be super long.....but when I went and told my mother that it was okay for her to die, we sat down and cried and she said she has noticed a difference in me and I told her I wasn't mad at God anymore.

My mom passed away a month after I turned 16, a few days after Thanksgiving.  We really thought she was going to make it past Christmas, but God was ready for her!  When my mom died, Mark wrote a letter to his mom and dad expressing what happened (he didn't share his emotions very openly).  His dad and him came up here to meet me for the first time, because he wanted to be there for me.

Age 19.....

 

After High School, Mark ended up moving up here to be with me and we started college.  When I was 19, I started having pains on Fathers Day that were in my lower abdomen side.  I didn't think nothing of it, but by the next day I ended up going to the ER.  I found out that I had a tumor on my right kidney that was double the size of my kidney.  They said that it had been growing for about 2 years.  A few months later I ended up having my right kidney removed and it was cancerous.  By the grace of God they got it all and I didn't have to take any chemo.  It was so scary, because just a few years before I watched my mom go through all that she had.

Age 22.....

Mark and I got married in 2007 when I was 21.  We had a good first year of marriage and knew we wanted to start having a family soon.  We got pregnant with twins the day before our one year anniversary.  We didn't know we were having twins until one day I started having pains.  I ended up miscarrying and the next day we went to the Dr and the Dr wanted to make sure my insides looked okay and there he was.  My baby boy so big with a great heart beat.  His daddy and I cried as we saw him floating around in my belly.  The Dr said I had an "invisible twin" from the sonogram we saw before a few weeks prior.  We were ecstatic!!  We miscarried the first twin at 6 weeks and we were doing so good with his baby brother.  Twelve weeks came along and I go see the Dr and the Dr releases me from a high risk pregnancy because the babies heart beat was so strong.  A week and 3 days later my water broke.  I delivered our baby boy at 13 weeks and 3 days.  He looked just like his daddy!  We named him Mark Jr and we ended up naming our 1st twin Adam William, which that would of been my name if I was a boy.

We ended up having infertility issues for the next couple of years of not getting pregnant.  We didn't understand and we struggled alot.  I ended up getting on Clomid which ended up helping us get pregnant a few months later.  That pregnancy ended as an Ectopic pregnancy which led me to get 2 chemo shots of Methotrexate in my back to dissolve the baby wherever they may of been.  I had the Dr look 2 times to make sure there was no baby growing, it was my biggest fear of making a choice like that.

Age 25.....

 

After the Ectopic pregnancy, my life changed for the worse.  My husband cheated and walked away.  I think at this point, with all that I have endured before, this was the worst of them all.  I never had someone give up on me, never leave me or abandon me on purpose.  It changed me completely.  I lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks.  I started to do things that I never thought I could ever fathom of doing.  Months later, I started to go to bars, I got a tattoo, and I got into a relationship with a married man and committed adultery.  His wife had left him and my husband left me a month apart, so it was not a healthy relationship at all.  I remember praying for God to harden my heart, but instead I would lay next to this man at night and cry, because I felt so far away from God.  I never had been that far away before.  God did an amazing thing and changed this mans heart and he left.  

Age 28.....

 

I wasn't living the best godly life, but I wasn't getting into trouble like I was.  I was close to God, but of course we could always be closer.  I was living.....not good, not bad, I was lukewarm.  I still hadn't faced my issues and I know I tucked all the hurt, pain and trust issues deep down.  Then this man walks into my life when I wasn't ready.  I remember telling him that I wasn't ready and asked him where he came from?  I saw every sign, things kept getting revealed to me, I prayed and I really felt in my heart that this was the man God had for me.  I was excited but scared, because like I mentioned, I was still holding on and all these issues that I never faced.  I was horrible in the relationship.  I was horrible in all my relationships, because I just tucked away everything. We were going to get married the end of the year, but as the year started and we started to make plans, I told him.....This is the 3rd year!!!!  If you have noticed while reading this blog post, I have put the year that the horrible storms have came my way and its every 3 years.  He assured me that it was going to be a good year, but a few months later we ended things.  I knew it was time that I faced my issues and be molded into the woman that God wanted me to be.  It was a bittersweet year.  I had alot of ups and down and alot of emotions.  I was unsteady most of the year, but looking back I can see why.  I was growing, I was learning and I was facing so many years of hurts, fears, worries that was embedded in me. It might sound like not so bad of a year compared to the years before, but I think this was more of a spiritual storm than physical or emotional or even mental. 

I am so grateful that God gave me the time to face them.  I am so grateful that God let me grow and that He patched up my open wounds that I placed a band aid on.  I feel now that I can do anything!!! I feel like I can be a wonderful friend, girlfriend, wife, mother, granddaughter, stranger to anyone!!! I'm not perfect by any means, but I feel like I made it!!! I made it past this storm.  I know there will be more in this life, but I'm that much stronger to get ready for the next chapter God has given me.  Like I mentioned at the beginning, if I never went through any of those things, I wouldn't be me, here....NOW!  More importantly, I want everyone to know, its all from God!!!  God has given me the strength to face each and every one of those, He has given me the grace to have second chances in life.  He has given me a season of growth and helped me face all my issues and also issues that I didn't even know I had. More than ever though, because of my trials and storms, I can now help people who have 

*Lost a parent (even young kids who struggle with loss of a parent)

*Faced or facing cancer themselves

*Miscarriages

*Infertility

*Infidelity

*Committing adultery yourself

*Losing what God gave you

*Second Chances

*Waiting on God

I am now in a waiting period.  I felt like all last year I was in a waiting period, but it was all a growth season.  Now I wait and I'm okay with waiting.  I finally am content and I'm trusting God.  I know God has me in His hands and I am wanting to help people who might be starting this season in their lives.  

 

I wrote this days ago, and then the enemy attacked me and I questioned posting this, but I know I need too!  Theres so much that I would like to share or say, but that's what the book will be about, hopefully one day when God is ready for me to sit down and write it!