I started gaining weight mostly around when my mom died when I was 16. I always have been a chunky kid, never been "skinny", so I don't even know what it feels like. When my mom died I gained 40 pounds that year and that's when all my stretch marks started to appear. Its also when I was in my first relationship and so we all know what happens when we get into a relationship, we all get comfortable and gain weight.
From when I started dating to when we divorced I literally gained 100 pounds. At my most fit in high school I was roughly 180 and could do the splits in the air. When he left 10 years later, I was 280. My weight has been a struggle my whole life. After my last relationship ended this year, I knew my insecurities was a huge issue and I wanted to beat it. I wanted to love me and feel confident within myself and in my relationship. Now I know that this is something that I will always have to deal with and work on each and everyday, but I'm determined to do it. When I look at the girl on the left, I don't know her anymore and I'm honestly sad for her. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about the person that I used to be. I didn't love myself, I didn't have any confidence, I walked with my head down and I was in denial. I felt as if I needed to show some cleavage or get dolled up all the time to feel needed or desired, which is all wrong. I'm so glad that I read how to be a Proverbs 31 woman this year, because it taught me to be modest and to eat right and to be successful, and that will attract the right people in my life and even the right men.
I'm not to my goal, but I really felt it was time to show my belly and where I have came from. I think of my future husband and what hes going to get with me, but this is me and I'm trying to be the best I can and I know that the man God has for me, will love me and my strength and determination to be healthy and to glorify God.
As the picture is below, I got the love handles!! Ive never been a "pooch" kind of belly, but I definitely stick out wide more than forward.
As this year is ending and another one to begin, I can sit here and say that it wasn't the way I thought this year was going to be, but I know God needed to teach me some things and for me to grow and be the woman that He wants and needs me to be, so I can be the wife for my future husband, whenever God sees that we are both ready.
I know a lot of people are thinking of losing weight as the New Year begins and I just want to let you know that you can do it!! You can honestly set any goal that you want. What I like to tell people is that we are all different and what works for me, might not work for you. I know people who do Weight Watchers, Atkins, Advocare and I know people who work out daily and it works for them.
My suggestion is that you find your weakness first. Set you a goal and write down everything you eat for lets say, 21 days. To the average person, they look at 21 days and is like, "heck no". Just think though at my results and this is since March 1st of this year. I had to start somewhere and I had to learn what works for me. If you are a sweets eater, don't eat sweets for 21 days. Maybe you eat a lot of bread, don't eat bread or don't drink soda or don't eat pasta or no alcohal. Or if you want to do what I did......I did none of those for 21 days and lost 19 pounds in 19 days WITHOUT exercise. As you progress and as you learn, you start to learn about healthy fats and bad fats, you start to learn what certain foods do for you. I know greasy, heavy foods make me sleepy and feel like crap. I know dairy makes me bloat and can upset my stomach. I know when I eat bread that I'm pretty much consuming a cup full of sugar. That is how I think and my mentality. If I want to eat a sweet, I have gone and bought some fiber brownies or cookies and leave them in my basket of snacks and when I want one, I get it. You start to learn to not deprive yourself of your cravings, but they are all wrapped individually, so it helps your portions. You have to train yourself and tell yourself everyday your going to do this.
I have gone on trips and have slacked and its very hard to get back on your routine, but it all comes down to your mentality and how determined you are. My suggestion if you don't like working out, is don't work out AND try to eat right all at the same time, because from what I have seen and I'm talking about myself too, ITS TOO MUCH!!! I knew that I needed to learn how to eat right FIRST and then I would slowly get more active. It was months later when I started losing weight is when I would have some weights at home and lift them for my arms. I would get in the floor and do leg and stomach exercise's. I then went out and bought a bike and road miles a day for awhile. Then I started going to gym and lifting weights and pushing myself hard in cardio. Then I started to gain muscle and I told myself that I wanted to reach my goal of 180 before I start toning and I knew that if I was gaining muscle it would be longer for me to get to my goal so I stopped. This is what works for me though, you just have to listen and learn about your body. Once you start learning about your body and what works it actually is interesting and a beautiful thing.
So the pictures of me in my bra and pants were taken back in December of 2012. I was determined in 2013 that I was going to lose weight! HA, another New Years Resolution that didn't happen. So I was 263 there. I did end up losing 20 pound that January and then I had my first gallbladder attack and so I stopped. Its crazy cause here is its almost 2 years later and I just got it removed a few days ago. Anyways....the other ones in my shorts are from a couple of weeks ago with me about 206. I honestly thought these pictures were going to be for me, I never intended on showing them, but I love seeing peoples bodies transform and how they change and their confidence grows. Their bodies arnt perfect either, but their PROUD!!! They know they are human and they have weaknesses, but now want to love and enjoy life and push themselves to be happy within themselves.
Now someone might be a plus size person reading this and loves their body and that's great!!! I admire big beautiful people with their confidence, but that is something that I could never grasp within myself. I love all shapes and sizes for God made us all different and we are honestly all beautiful. I don't want to be like anyone else anymore, I just want to be the best me!!!!
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