I'm not good with change. This year, even before my grandpa passed, a lot of change happened. I had to make some adult decisions that would affect me for years, I had to make some decisions of uprooting my little comfort bubble and I also had to make some changes with my house. I start to self doubt what I want and whats right and what God is calling me to do. I know in my heart that every decision that I had to make this year, was for this moment. This moment in which I am here, right now, me, just me and God and I feel blessed. Because of these changes and now a BIG change in not having my grandpas support, prayers or just advice to talk too or also the income, I have been self doubting everything. Since my grandpas passing I have had to change ALOT of things, and call lots of people and making changes for my future. That's all fine and dandy, because I have had a lot of support and encouragement and advice, but its MY life that is changing. I'm not saying its for the bad, but because of all this change and decisions all at once, I can feel the enemy after me.
That's what this blog post is about.....The enemy! Everytime something bad or hard comes in our life approaches us, we always seem to feel like its not fair or even with me, I think that I must of done something wrong. I hate how the enemy knows our weaknesses and our insecurities.
With me, I get insecure about my weight, because it fluctuates and then I get disappointed in myself when I gain weight and then therefore don't feel worthy enough. I also can be a perfectionist and when something bad happens, I feel like I did something wrong and I'm probably being punished.
My friend, when the enemy is after her, she goes inward and stays away from people and she also gets thoughts about not feeling good enough or never making the right decisions.
As Ive got older, Ive realized that the enemy, especially now because I feel like he knows his time is running out, is out on a mission to just get as many people on his side and people to turn from God and believe his lies. I look at our presidential candidates and see exactly just that. I believe as Christians we need to join together and share our thoughts and feelings with each other, because I think we would be surprised how how similar they may be and recognize the enemies lies and then pray for each other.
I work in a place where I feel like the enemy roams around extra. I can hear it in peoples conversations, the way they talk and the way they live their life. I knew walking in, what I was possibly going to have to deal with, but I am proud to say that I walked in and people know where I stand and my beliefs. I'm not perfect, I sometimes say a cuss word, I have had a past of falling of the straight and narrow, but I don't let that define me. Theres no one walking this earth who hasn't made mistakes, but the enemy sure does like to throw it back in your face. Whomever decides to read this, I'm sure its a little weird. I woke up with anxiety this morning in which I know isn't from the Lord, and Ive been spending time with God this morning trying to get peace. Writing makes me feel good and I had some times and so I wanted to jot down these thoughts. I just want people to know that when you get thoughts of your not good enough, its never going to get better, your too ugly, your too fat, your too skinny, your a loser, your screwed up too many times, etc. that its a lie, because there is a Father in Heaven who LOVES YOU just who you are RIGHT NOW!!! I know it seems hard to believe if no one has ever told you, but its true. I don't have a dad hear on earth, but I tell you, my Father in Heaven sure has spoilt me on this earth and I know its because he loves me and I know its because he wants to give me blessings, just like he does you!
When a child does something wrong, you don't reward them when gifts or games or whatever they like. You may not give them something, or may discipline them. When your child makes good grades or does something wonderful, you tend to want to reward them or go buy them something they want and I feel like God is just like that, but even BETTER! He knows what we need and what our hearts desires are way more then even we do and so if we don't get something we asked for, then just trust that God knows we don't need it, or don't need it now OR may have something even better then we ever even thought of. Its trust and faith and those arnt easy to come by sometimes.
I got to get ready for the day and I'm not going to proof read this, this is more like a diary entry to me, but I hope it does touch or help someone, or even remind someone!
I do love you guys and I will pray for this blog that the words I say are what God is wanting me to share.
