TO BE

As believers living in this world is so hard.  We live in a fallen world where sin and evil is all around us.  We, ourselves are born sinners and we battle between our flesh and the Holy Spirit living within us.  One thing I did learn this past week was that no matter how close you are walking with Christ, no matter how much you turn from your evil ways and how much you try to please God, that doesn't mean that everything will be okay.  I had this thought that the closer I walk with God and do good and please Him, then life should be okay.  I always know that trials and storms come in our lives no matter how much we obey God, but I guess I just assumed that if I get right with God in every aspect of my life, then I should be happy and content.     

I have my moments where I don't understand exactly what God is doing in my life.  At times I feel overwhelmed and other times I'm bored out of my mind.  I think to myself, surely theres more to life than this, but at the same time, I just feel God staring at me, waiting.....waiting for me to stop, slow down and get it.  I read in a blog the other day where a girl had the same problem as I did with striving to be what God wanted her to be and still she didn't understand why she still felt the way she did.  Then I read this.....

 

Now it was clear. If I were to walk in faith, if I were to live by faith, I had to cease striving. I was to shut my mouth and quit trying to teach, to instruct, to straighten out, and I was to know God. He sits as sovereign on His throne; He hasn't moved. And I hadn't seen "the rest of the story." My part in this situation was simply "to be" rather than "to do."

A light bulb went off!!!  I always ask God, "Lord what do I need to do??  I'm doing everything I know possible to please you and to do what you want me to do."  Yet, I still felt like that wasn't enough or what God wanted, but when she said, "TO BE", I realized that is what I was lacking.  I need to be resting in Christ, to be trusting in Christ, to be listening, to be obeying, to be helping others, to be praising God, to be waiting, to be an example, to be anything and everything that I was "to do-ing".

Now that I know what I need TO BE doing, how do I get there?  To some it may be easy than others.  I am more of a, "If we need to do something, lets do it and get it over with", type of person.  To-be means to me, to always be ready no matter how long it will take or what the task is.  You cant, To do resting in God, but you can, to be resting in God.  You cant to do waiting on God, but you can, to be waiting on God.  You cant to do listening to God, but you can, to be listening to God.  See the difference???

I was told a few years ago that I was ADD.  I laughed at my Dr as I was in my early 20's and no one has ever mentioned that to me before.  He said, "Let me guess, you make a list and you cant do anything until that list is complete?"  Lets just say my smiling "are you kidding" face, turned into a, "how did you know" face.  Its true, that I am all about list and getting that list complete, there is no resting until its done, then I can rest, but that's not quite how God works is it?    I want to figure out my problems, work on them, solve them, move forward to a happy place.  God loves the fact that I am trying, loves the child of His that I am, with obeying Him and He loves the fact that I am seeking after Him, but I do all of this, with my foot tapping.  I keep looking up, saying, "Okay God, what do you want me to do now, to get this show moving forward?"  All I see God doing is smiling without saying anything.  Obviously I'm not getting it, Obviously I'm missing something.  I know that I'm missing something and I have been searching my heart and my actions on what it may be.  

When I read that blog is when I was informed.  I need to be.  I need to stop tapping my foot, I need to stop trying to figure out what I am not doing and just BE!!!  

I cant rush Gods timing.  I cant make God do anything that I want him to do and in fact I have had those thoughts of maybe making my own reality come true of what I want, but I've QUICKLY stopped, because I've been down that road and it all it leads to is destruction and I would rather be right where I am, impatient, then to go down that road again.

Walking on the straight and narrow is very hard, but its totally worth it.  Theres a peace inside of you that you cant get anywhere else.  The enemy tries to attack you and if he cant, he will go after your loved ones, your friends, your job, your anything that is close to you to get you to turn away from God.  Lately, I have had those thoughts more of "How great is God, if you arnt happy obeying Him?"  "What kind of a God tells you one thing and leaves you hanging?"  Why worship God if He wants you to be miserable?"  " No matter what you do to please God, Hes not going to give you what you desire".  I mean I have had some hardcore thoughts thrown my way, either if it was by me or the enemy and at times I wont lie......those thoughts seemed to of won.  I never went and did anything bad, but I got mad at God for Him having me here.  

Truth me told, my life is not bad at all.  I am very blessed and I'm not struggling with anything, Praise be to God, and so what am I complaining about?  Because I'm single?  Because I don't have any children and I'm almost 30?  I know alot of people who wish this was their only problem.  I know God loves each of us and we all struggle with something, whether it be small or big to us or to others, these are still our struggles and God loves and cares about them very much.  He hears our cries and our concerns and worries.  He knows what our hearts desire, for if we follow Christ, He is the one who put them there.  I pray all the time for God to take away my dreams and desires and fill my heart with His.  I don't want to hope and wish for something that isn't in Gods plan for my life.  I know as humans we want certain worldly things or expectations, but in reality....and no I don't enjoy saying this, but sometimes they don't happen for us or the way we want them too.

Again I will say........I'm saying this for you who's reading this and also I'm reminding myself, is that walking the straight and narrow is not easy, but walking it with Christ holding your hand and guiding your way is totally worth it.  I'm not even 100% there as I write this, for I have been struggling trusting God, but I know in my heart that is what is true and that is what I need to do, so I do it, because .......well, I trust Him!!  I trust Him because he loves me.....even when I cannot see!!!

Matthew 16:25 has been very powerful for me the past few days

For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

Luke 17:33 

If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it.

I need to give my life to Christ and stop holding on to it,  so that I will gain it.  If I don't, then I lose my life walking in this world trying to find my happiness.

So my question is, what are you holding on too?  What do you not trust God with?  I know in certain areas we can trust God completely, but in other areas we don't.  Truth be told, God wants us to let go of everything.  I cant seem to let go of my future.  I keep it in my hand, griping it tight and I can just see God looking down on me smiling, waiting for me to let go.  

Pray for me as I try and learn to let go and BE!!!  :)