Have you ever looked back on your life and thought, "Why did I do that?" or "I wish I knew then what I know now, maybe things wouldn't of turned out the way they did?" I'm sure most of us have said something along those lines in our lives, especially as we get older and wiser and learn from our mistakes the hard way.
As I have had this time to learn about myself, myself with Christ and even the roles of a husband and wife, I look back and feel so sorry for the way I have treated some people. God has placed great people in my life and because I was so self righteous, those people were removed from my life. I think as I learn more everyday, that I just want to say sorry to them, especially my last relationship.
I'm really not one of those ones that think if I could go back in time and change something, then I would. I'm more of a person who learns and tries not to do it again. Sometimes though I need many lessons before it clicking. Walking the walk I have with God the past 9 months, I learned with Gods word and devotional type books that line up with scripture. I can honestly say I wish I was the woman I am today, back then, but then would I be the person I am today with the lessons and knowledge that I have learned? Sometimes it takes people walking away or losing someone or just having your feet knocked out from you for God to grab your attention and shake you and wake you up. We all have a choice to repeat things in life or really take the time, the season God has given you and fully use it to the best you can, to glorify God. I have felt God lately prepare me to be a wife and even a mother. I honestly feel like I grew up 9 years of my 20's in 9 months.
I cant wait to apply what God has taught me and instilled in me to my future husband. I want to respect him, honor him, support him and let him lead our little family as Christ leads the church. I know God will give me a godly man who wants to please Him. I want to be the wife that pleases God and nurtures and honors her husband and family. I used to always say I never wanted to marry a preacher or a man in military style service. I felt one day God kinda tug on my heart and said, "Could you be a preachers wife?" (I felt God smile after that) I knew in my heart I could be whatever God wanted me to be and if that situation was to arise, I would trust God and stand by my husband. I want to help lead people to the Lord. I want to be the godly woman that can help reach out to other women and be there in the hardest of times. I feel that God has allowed me to go through things in life that I could help benefit and encourage other women and to simply just let them know that I understand what they are going through and what Christ did for me.
I don't know what the future holds or if I will ever be a preachers wife. I honestly try not to look too far ahead. I have even went and bought me a planner because I kept forgetting things, because I was so focused in the now. In the past, I was really horrible at living in the future and God loves to show me that whatever I plan far ahead, wasn't His plans and so I just let God know that its His will for my life. I sometimes still try and grab the future by the horns, but I quickly let go.
I want to ask you all a question, what season of life would you consider yourself in right now? Scripture says,
Ecclesiastes 3: To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to week, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to regrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love and time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Every aspect of our lives is as to a season, and there is a purpose for those seasons. There is a reason for the season. There is a purpose for the process.
If I look at my life right now, it wasn't how I planned at the beginning of the year. I would be days away right now marrying the love of my life, instead I haven't seen him in 9 months. God knew that I couldn't be the wife that God wanted me to be if I didn't go through this season of my life. I'm pretty sure I would never of grown or gotten this close to God if I was still in that relationship. I would of never found who I was in Christ or even found my self worth. I probably would still depend on a man to make me feel beautiful instead of me knowing I'm beautiful because I am who God created me to be and to look like. Was this process a difficult one? Of course! Did I want to go through this? Heck no! Am I glad I did? Most definitely! Now that I feel secure with myself in Christ and Christ alone, theres a comfort and peace I never felt before. I explain it as being stripped, and no one likes to be stripped of everything you have ever known. Its honestly the best way God can use you and to help you become the person He wants you to be.
I don't know what the future holds. I try not to worry about it, but I'm human and at times I feel like I'm always going to be single or that my prayers are all for nothing, but I'm reminded that's the enemy feeding me those lies. Truth be told, God cares about my love life and He cares about your love life, and I know that I'm trusting Him that He is molding me for my future husband and Hes molding my future husband for me. I pray for Him everyday 100 times a day and I hope he is doing the same for me, but if hes not, then that's okay!
Whether your single, in a relationship or married, just remember to keep God first and foremost. Honor, respect and love the mate in your life. If you are struggling with something, go to Mardels or pray about which book that you might can read that will help with the struggles you are facing. Also, don't forget to go to God and pray and ask for His help.
Remember that the devil is roaming around trying to destroy all God given relationships that will help further Gods kingdom. He is also roaming around to steal, kill and destroy and try and not let the evil of the world get in the center of your relationships. Lusts, sex and temptation is out there, but with Christ, He will tug your heart and allow you to escape. I have met with a few friends who struggle with certain things, but we cant allow our human desires to overcome the best of us. I honestly pray for God to help me with sexual desires, because I want to be able to save them for my future husband, he deserves the best of me!
This time of the year can be so wonderful and so depressing. This time of the year can remind you of a lost loved one who isn't here or it can be challenging with all the time and running around or even finances of what the world says you need to do. This time of the year can also be wonderful with the music and cheer of Jesus Birthday and spending time with family and the ones you hardly see. The world perceives this time of the year to be more stressful than thankful, but no matter who or what is in your life or what is going on, just remember that God has you right where you are for a reason and allow Him to work in your life to better it in every way.
I am so thankful that I have this blog and that God touches and tugs my heart to write these words and how I feel. I wrote this actually 2 months ago and I had to change the time frames in this blog, but I know this is one way that God has given me to share Him with others and my personal struggles and growths. I hope everyone truly is seeking God and His plan for your life. God will give you more than you ever could dream of and He can comfort in ways no human ever could.
Remember to exam your life and see what season you could be facing right now and ask God to show you what you need to do or to learn during this time! No matter what, just know God is always there!
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