God allowed me to take some time, with just me and Him. I knew God wanted me and wanted my attention and growth so I could be a better godly woman. He knew that I couldn't get married with a teenager mind set with being selfish and insecure and even having trust issues. My God loves me enough, He removed the man I felt that He gave me so I could work on myself to become the woman that He truly wants me to be.
I know now looking back how child-like I was. I know now looking back how much I really wasn't prepared to be a wife. Its always when we go through the storm or the trial and we look back what we see what God saw all along. Its really a beautiful thing to see what God truly saved you from. We always bash God and cry out and don't understand why certain things happen in our lives, but in reality, God shows love, grace and mercy, but we just cant see it, because we arnt there yet. Sometimes though we may never will until we reach those pearly gates.
Sitting here writing this, I didn't plan on doing this, but as the year is coming to a close, I wanted to share with you how great God is. Like I mentioned above, its been a bitter sweet year. Alot of people who were in my life at the beginning of this year and even jobs, they arnt anymore. God has shut doors, but He has also opened a few windows.
Some of my lessons I have learned this year are:
1. You cant make someone be in your life and you shouldn't want too. It takes 2 people to work on any form of relationship and if the other person isn't willing too, then you go forward. It could be a friend, spouse, child, co-worker, parent, etc. I think my whole life, I pretty much begged and would do anything to keep someone in my life, but then the closer I started walking with God, I realized my self-worth. I try to be a part of peoples lives and if they don't want me there, then that's okay, Ive learned to move forward with my life.
2. You need to feel beautiful with yourself and not try to rely on someone else making you feel that way. I always wanted the men in my life to tell me I'm beautiful all the time, I guess to convince me that I was, even though half the time I thought they didn't mean it. I knew I had really bad insecurity and its been something I battled my whole life. I knew to get to the root, not only did I need to work on my insecurity which was my weight, but to really dig deeper in my soul to find my self worth. When you realize how beautiful you are to God and that He is the one who created you, then you shine that much brighter and walk with your head that much higher.
3. You need to be content with what you have at this exact moment. My friend told me something one day that hit me like a rock. She told me, "God isn't going to give you anything else, if you arnt happy and content with what you have now with what Hes given you". It made me realize, God has given me so much, good health, love, friendship, an amazing grandpa, house, job, car, etc, so why am I still not happy unless I had this other thing? Why couldn't I be happy with what I had and trust God that this is what I have at this moment and its all I need? Theres a reason why God doesn't give us certain things we want or ask for. Theres also a reason why we don't get certain things at a certain time. God likes to build our character, He wants us to see if we truly want what we are asking for. How many times in your life did you really want something and then when you got it, you really didn't know why you wanted it, cause it wasn't as great as you thought? Also, God sometimes wants us to wait for what we want, because He has to teach us and to seek Him and maybe the other thing isn't ready yet. I know the longer you wait on something, the more you value it and treasure it. Sometimes the answer is just no, because God sees that its not good for us.
4. You need to be healthy and take care of the temple God has given you. When I started this journey to lose weight, I didn't realize really all the bad I stuck in my body. After I started eating natural things that came from God and not man-made items, I started to feel great. I started to see how my health, attitude and mind changed just from my change of foods. God gives us one body and when its time to go its time to go, but how much time and effort do we take care of our cell phone, our car or our house, but yet we feed our minds and body with crap!? I learned that when you are seeking Christ and seeking His will, it also entails taking care of your body. I know if I want to be used by Christ, then I need to take care of the one thing He has given me, to be used, which is my body!
5. When you pray, be ready for prayers to be answered. I mentioned before in a previous blog that I had been praying earlier this year for God to mold me into the woman He wants me to be and to also lately, close and open doors and remove and add people He wants in my life. Of course there are other prayers along the road that He has answered and not answered, but He has definitely been answering prayers in ways that I never thought He would. There were people in my life that true colors started to shine that I didn't even know their hearts. Jobs laid me off because policies changed. But you know what? Windows have been opening up in my life as well. A lot of times when we think something bad happens to us, God turns it around to be a bigger, better blessing than we could ever think of.
6. No one can fully satisfy you the way Christ can. I think my whole life I have always thought if I got married or had kids then my life would be happy and content. I always knew that problems would arise, but that I would be fulfilled and content. I have always seeked wanting more all the time. To have this alone time with God, not having anyone else has been a rewarding experience. I put so much expectations in other people and they always failed me, because they wernt made to satisfy me fully. To know that I have released that and to put all those expectations in Christ and to trust Him is very freeing.
7. Life isn't about finding the right man, but becoming the right woman. If I want God to send me the mate that He wants me to be with, then I needed to become the woman that my future husband needs. I cant sit and wait and wiggle my thumbs and tap my foot and not work on me. I needed to learn, to grow, to read books, and meditate with God. I needed to be shown my faults, my issues, my past hurts, I needed to bring them to the feet of Jesus and hand them over. I needed my eyes to be opened, my heart to be fixed and my soul to be at peace. So when its time for God to bring him in my life, I will be ready. He will take me by the hand and together, as non perfect people, we can grow together and walk with Christ. Why would I expect God to give me the best, when I'm not the best.
8. You need Gods strength to overcome obstacles in your life. You alone cant overcome some of your struggles. Something as what seems simple as my weight, I needed Gods help, guidance and strength to keep going and to make the choices each day to eat right. I had to learn to train myself to eat better, but it also applies to so much more other things. If you struggle with drinking, cussing, lust, being late, not listening, etc, whatever it may be, and its a constant struggle, then handing it over to God can do wonders for your life. We always think we can handle things or overcome them on our own, but that's not the case, we are failures and will always fail, but Christ will never fail us. He knows our struggles and hearts desires to be a better person and He will help if you ask.
9. To walk with Christ, you have to make a constant effort each and every single day to take time for Him. This world is so chaotic and we get so wrapped up in our phones, TV, daily chores or running errands that we tend to put God on the back burner. We tend to add Him in our "free time" or if we even do that at all. I'm guilty of "forgetting" to read my Bible or start to do things that arnt feeding me spiritually. I noticed if I go a couple of days of not taking time with Christ or not praying first thing in the morning, how far I stray from God at such a fast speed. Its not easy, but it makes life that much easier when we spend some alone time with our Father.
10. You really have no control over anything. I laugh at the word 'control' now. The truth of the matter is half the time we don't even have full control of ourselves, more-less anyone or anything around us. Its human nature to want to control, but God likes to show His children that He is in control. Wouldn't it be so freeing and peaceful to fully depend and rely on God that whatever comes your way in life that He has it? I look back at my life here on this earth, all 29 years of it, and had zero control over any trial or storm that I was faced. The things I did try to control, God took those away and showed me that I didn't have those either. If you think about it, its really God saying, "Child, I love you enough, that I don't want you to carry this burden, this weight, hand it over so I can carry it for you". When we try to control something, its usually out of fear. We want to be in charge or be able to direct it which way to go. The best thing to do, is just hand it over and allow God to have it. Its easier said than done, but its also better than having God take it, to show you the hard way.
11. Sometimes we just need to take a chill pill. When things don't go the way we planned or hoped in our life, sometimes we just need to take it as it is and just know that God has it all figured out. Instead of getting upset or discouraged, we just need to see what God already sees. When we step back and let things go as they are supposed too, sometimes that's the most beautiful time in our lives and that we experience.
12. Not only do you need to forgive others, but you need to learn to forgive yourself. People tell me all the time that Im hard on myself and its true. I own up to my mistakes and point them out. Over the years I have learned to forgive and that holding a grudge or being bitter at someone who has hurt me, only harmed myself more than anything. I forgot though that I need to forgive myself. One day I realized this burden I carried wasn't on the other person, because I wasn't mad at them, but it was me. I realized I hadn't truly handed over my faults and my shame over to Christ, so I asked God for forgiveness. A weight was lifted off of me.
As this year comes to a close and whether it was a good year for you or a bad year or maybe you had a lot of good and bad, just remember all the lessons and memories and take them forward with you.
We need to learn to allow God to direct us, especially since we are about to start a new year. My suggestion is to hand over this next year to God and allow Him to work in your life, to open and close doors, to be there when the hard times come and even there during the good times. He wants to be number one in your life and He wants your attention and dependence on Him.
I want to keep growing this next year. I want to become even more of a godly woman than I am now and I want to share Jesus to people. I want to keep losing weight, to get to my goal and I want to check some things off of my bucket list. I want to be there for others and help others in any way possible. I want to be an example and share my testimony with others. I want to be a better friend, granddaughter and keep working on myself to becoming the best wife and mother I can be. I don't know what God has up His sleeve with me this next year, but I'm eager to see Him work. My life is in Gods hands and what better hands can my life be in?
Thank you for being a part of my life and my journey with this blog. This blog is truly a blessing for me as I watch my heart transform with God working in my life.
"A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when she marries a man, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a women's liberation movement.
A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be."
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