Vacation Part 1

 Back in the middle of June the San Antonio Spurs won their 5th championship.  I love the Spurs and I have been following them for 11 years.  During that 11 years, there have been 3 players who have been playing together and their getting older and not promised together another Championship.  I knew this was the time that I needed to go see them and see them get their trophy.  I didn't know how it was going to happen, I didn't even know what day it was going to be on.  On a Monday, I went bike riding with my best friend and I had told her a few days before that they just won game 3, so if she could ask her boss for possibly a day off for the following week.  She wasn't for sure and on that day, we talked a little about it, but nothing really was said.  I took a nap before work and when I woke up, I had texts messages and phone calls that I missed and let me just say, before I took a nap, I didn't know when or how or who I was going to go on this trip with and when I took a little nap, God orchestrated everything into perfect plans.  I woke up and my ex husband and my best friend told me all the information that I needed and she got off for 2 days and everything fell into place perfectly.  I really didn't have to do anything and I really just knew in my heart it was a blessing and gift you could say, from God, for me being very obedient.  I had such an amazing time.

So my best friend and I had talked about going to the beach, but the more we talked about it, the more funds were going to be an issue.  Since we were already going to be down there, I asked if she wanted to go, even for a couple of hours, since I havent been as a child and she never has been.  So we went, but that will be in part 2.

I have to say that my ex husband really did help us the whole trip, with where to go and how to get there.  He is my friend and we argue like friends, ha!  But I was very grateful for his help and advice, because my friend and I were going to go to the parade downtown, but he suggested that we go to the Alamo Dome and just not go to the parade and watch on the screens because of the heat and all the people.  So after Rebecca and I ate a huge meal, we decided on that and we are so grateful because they cut people off from the Alamo Dome, because it was getting so full, we probably never would of made it back, and that's what I wanted to watch the most.

Then we were going to go to Galveston and he suggested to go to Corpus that it was half the distance, so we did that and it was a great time.  One thing I do have to say, is that I'm not in love with my ex husband anymore, but I have forgiven him and will always hold a special place in my heart for him, but I will always consider him a friend.  We have gone through alot of trials that as kids and young adults normally don't face and with him I don't have to explain anything, because we both know and feel the pain we felt.  I hope anyone who has gone through such a thing as divorce, can forgive the other person and move forward.  I cant hate anyone, I don't think its in me. 

So here is a little peek at our vacation and our road trip!  One thing about me and my bestie is that no matter what or where we are going, we will make memories and live it up to the best we can.  No matter what we always have a great time!

I finally got me a gun!

Yes, I did use this restroom!

This was just so pretty, with the background and where the sun was.

I just love her, she has stood by my side thru thick and thin.

I was about to grub down on me some fatty, greasy, convenient store food, but wait.....gotta cover up my shirt so mustard wont get on it :)

In San Antonio, lights under the bridge!

Lights in the trees, downtown SA

Downtown pics at 1 in the mo-nin!

BAM! THE ALAMO!

We almost died getting this food, no lie......God spoke to me and Rebecca saved our lives, but we were totally shooken up after getting this food.

Hotel 1 in SA

Today is the day!

This food was yuuummmmooooo

This is my new friend Oscar....he wanted to take a pic with me, cause I'm so famous....ha.....but literally, he did!! lol

This makes me smile...I got this and its a bag....I'm never going to grow up

Hes my fran

Alamo Dome....brings back memories!

My ex husband said there were 40,000 people here and 350,000 at the river walk

This was us, trying to get out........but we had fun....and the weight we have lost had no problem walking and climbing so many stairs.....it was great!

I had an amazing time and am so grateful that my friend took off and drive me down there.  I enjoyed making this memories!  Look for part 2!

"Wait, My child".

What would you do if you felt as if God told you to stand still?  

So you stood still.  

Then God tells you to wait.  

So you wait.  

Then minutes go by, hours go by, days and weeks go by.  

You ask God, "Okay, so now what, when can I move?"  

God simply says, "Just wait".  

"Can I eat?"

God says, "No, I will make you not hunger."

"Can I sleep?"

God says, "No, I will make you not tired."

"Can I play?"

God says, "No, you have no time for that."

"What can I do God, this is boring and I'm growing impatient".

God says, "Wait, my child".

The thing is, its pretty much how I feel.  I have peace knowing that there is a purpose to why I am waiting.  There is a reason why I cant move, that I'm at a stand still.  Its like I can see everything going on around me, but between God and I, I am in a room alone with Him, with no direction of moving forward.  Ive said before that I cant hear God and I know its because I need to Be Still and know that He is my God.

I cant really describe how my Spiritual Walk is right now.  I know that I'm pretty much doing everything I possibly can, to do Gods will and obey Him right now.  In short terms, I feel stuck, but I feel stuck Spiritually.  I don't fully know the whole reasoning on why God has me here, but I know its to simply trust Him.  

The past couple of weeks, God has been laying on my heart to teach.  I simply think its Sunday School, but I'm not sure what else there is that I could teach.  I'm in between churches right now.  I'm torn from my grandpas church,  because there are kids there that need someone like me, to be honest.  Someone young, who can relate and yet can spice it up and make learning about Christ fun and enjoyable, but there are a few things that I just disagree with that church and I don't know if I want to be affiliated with a church like that.  Then the church Ive been going too, I'm in a life group and enjoy it, but I'm not a member there and haven't felt led too join.  So that is one thing I have been praying to God to open up the doors for me to do and to guide me where He wants me to go.  Its kinda scary to think about going to a church, especially if you don't know it and then to be a teacher, but if God opens it up for me, then I will listen and obey and do His plan.  

While I'm in this room, waiting on God, waiting on Him to tell me to move, I know when its time for me to, when He thinks I'm ready or when Ive learned a certain lesson, I just can feel the blessings will hopefully pour out and I will see the plan that He already sees. 

 

God just constantly reminds me that He is in control.  When we think we have our lives planned out, or even just the following year, alot of times it doesn't go like we hoped for.  I personally struggle with me feeling as if I was made for so much more.  I remember last year I was stuck with jobs. I wanted a better job and was willing to work wherever and kept praying and praying for God to lead me, but for months, nothing. Then out of the blue, I got a phone call for a job that I forgot I even applied for and this month will be a year working there and I love it.  It was all in Gods timing.  Looking back we can see how God worked out things for us, but its during the trial and the waiting that as humans we struggle with, because we naturally want that control.

 

I prayed for God to mold me and this is Him molding me. My friend said it perfectly to me, "This is a time between you and God."  Shes right and I know it, it brought tears to my eyes.  One day I will be married and one day hopefully I will have some children, but this time, I'm single till God says I'm ready and this is the time to spend as much as I can bettering me for my future spouse and family, but most importantly, serving God.

I'm a follower of Christ, I'm not a follower of the world

Ive always been an outspoken person.  I say more than I should and I tell more about my life than most people are interested in learning.  I always hear that I need keep things in, that some things are just made to be private, within yourself.  That's true to a point.  There are things that no one walking this earth knows about me and it will always remain that way.

Ive realized though, I was always made to be outspoken and to tell things to people.  Alot of people look at me and question why I need to share everything while they keep things to themselves.  I understand that we are all different and everyone is made different, but let me share why I feel like I was made to be outspoken.

I have a story to share.  I have a story to share with everyone, that's why I know God has placed on my heart a long time ago that I will write a book one day.  I know I'm supposed to go out to the world and share my ups and downs, my trials and my blessings.  I pray to be a testimony and for God to use me and this is my way that God has me to be.  I can look at people and marriages and they seem like their life is just picture perfect.  Its a fraud!  I want to know the valleys, I want to know the struggles, because maybe then I can relate or someone else can and so that makes us feel like we arnt alone.  I have gone through things in my life where years I felt alone in things, but because no one spoke out and said they struggled with it too, I was alone and felt bad.  I thought I was the only one walking this earth that was going through that struggle.  

I find myself now going through the same thing.  Never in my life have I ever heard of a "trial of faith".  It sounds kind of simple, kind of easy maybe.  Its not like I'm dieing of cancer or I just lost a loved one kind of trial that would be heart shattering.  This one is different though, because this is a spiritual trial.  

I mentioned before that God has stopped talking to me.  You heard right, My Heavenly Father has stopped talking to me and its miserable.  I can still feel Him, I know Hes there, Hes listening and helping me along the way, so whats the problem right?  I feel as if its a time when the person you loved the most all of a sudden became mute and you couldn't have a conversation with them and you didn't know when you could.  Their there, they can hear you, but they don't speak back.

I can feel myself failing, I can feel myself feeling weak.  I know in my heart of hearts that God is watching me, but is Silent.  I know He has given me the tools to walk a long this narrow path very slowly, making sure that I follow the directions carefully.  Hes there, Hes ready to catch me when or if I fall, but I just see Him smiling, while His hand is on my back leading me forward.  Its really a bittersweet feeling, because I know that God is making me stronger, but right now, I'm feeling the weakest without me holding His hand.

Why am I going through this?  That is a good question.  I really don't remember what I wrote in my prior blog, but I feel like God has told me everything I needed to know right now in this time of growth in my life and has prepared me, now its my time to see if I can trust Him that what He has said will come to pass.  Will I turn into the old Rachel and sit down on this narrow path and pout and do what I want?  Or will I keep walking next to God with His hand on my back not knowing what the next baby step might bring? 

What I'm feeling right now is something that I NEVER IN MY LIFE have ever felt.  Its this ripping my heart out and yet peaceful feeling.  Maybe its God taking all the bad out of me and making me new, the woman I prayed to be molded into.  One of the links that I read talks about this time of your life, the "trial of faith", will bring out the worst in you and it will also bring out anything that you were a fraud about.

The amazing thing that I think about and smile during this time of my life, is the outcome.  What kind of woman am I truly going to be?  What amazing thing will God reveal Himself through?  Could it be through my future husband?  To know that God loves me so much, that He is giving me a 2nd or heck, it could be 154th chance to be the woman I know I was created for, makes me just love God even more than I already did.    

I just want to share my walk and my struggles, because this is who I am.  I want people to know who read this, that I struggle....I struggle with probably almost the same things you do.  As a Christian we struggle even more because we are up against the world and its easy to fall into the world and its easy to accept it and not want to feel "different".  I'm the first person to tell you, all I care about is what God thinks and that I would chose being different any day than fitting in with anyone else.  I'm a follower of Christ, I'm not a follower of the world.

As Christians, your going to struggle of course.  Your going to go through trials of horrible life changing events and your going to go through little trials that are just pain in the boohineys.  Make sure though when your going through any trial, pray what you need to see.  Allow God to work in those trials so you can see Him and the lesson that you may need to learn.  Alot of this information that I'm giving you, I need to learn to apply it to myself, honestly.  I don't know how long I'm not going to hear my Father.  I don't know how long I'm going to feel attached to someone and feel stuck in my life.  I don't know Gods plan, but I do know that Hes sitting up there, watching over me and smiling, {while I'm pulling my hair out}, and Him knowing the wonderful plans and blessings He is going to pour on me if I simply just trust Him.

We always want answers, I of course have probably a bigger issue with it than the average American.  I just want direction or a form of hope that lies right around the corner.  I always tend to want to look forward to something, when in reality, most of it never happens.  This time, I HAVE to trust God.  I think He is leaving me no choice.  At this point in my life I have no door # 2.  I do have free will, but I shut and locked that door up, that door led me no where but heartache.  I choose the door that is wide open, with a bright light shining through, where there is peace and love overflowing.  The door that simply has engraved on it, "TRUST ME, FOR I AM".