Im an addict......

March 2014

I have realized, with Gods help of course, that I'm addicted to worrying.  Even when life is going grand, I still will find something to worry about.  I never was at full content peace and I know now that worrying is a sin, because you are not trusting God and putting your faith in Him.

As I have been reading this book, Ive realized that its mainly because I have alot of wrong things happen to me in the past and so I naturally am used to constantly worrying as a human and waiting for the next storm to come.  Scripture states that God wants us to be at peace.

Another thing I realized, which I knew this before, but I live in the future and the past.  Rarely will I live in the now and whats going on now.  I'm always looking weeks and months ahead or looking at what the past did.  The truth is, God lives in the presence and He wants us to focus on the NOW.  He walks with us right now, yes he will be there in the future, but He is with us always, right now.

Right now in my life, the stage I'm in right now, is a learning stage.  Honestly, I'm very blessed and right now there is nothing horrible going on and for that I am very grateful and blessed.  I am learning to take my growing and what God is teaching me one day at a time.  He amazes me at everything that I'm learning and what I'm realizing about myself.  Like I said before, I really thought I was this good Godly woman, with some issues and of course wasn't perfect, but Ive realized, I was very limited to being used, because of my mentality.  My mentality has been wrong this whole time and I can see how it has put strain on so many of my relationships.  It can be, me being a neat freak and not enjoying company over because I'm right behind them cleaning up.  It could be having a neat home that feels like a museum, because every item has a place and it cant get out of order.  What kind of living is that???  I worry about holidays that are months away, and for all I know I wont be here to even live it.  We don't know, only God does.

ts definitely a learning time for me and I'm learning to not worry and be in the shadow of my Lord and let him have all my worries and anxieties and allowing Him to guide me in this life.   I realized that a big problem of mine was that I would give it all over to God and then I would take it back and then do it again, it was a constant cycle and it was wrong.  I wasn't fully trusting and having faith that Gods plan and will for my life is the best one.  What I might want at the time, isn't going to happen no matter how much stress and worry I do, because Gods plan is still going to happen.

God has been so good to me and has had alot of patience with me throughout my life, but this stage of my life, I'm learning so much and its such an eye opener.  I just feel like God is getting me ready to speak, to share my testimony, to share other stories of my life.  I know I need to grow and learn to not worry and to trust Him more so he can guide me where He wants me to go.  I'm building my self-confidence up and.....there are no words.  If this is how much Ive learned in a month, I cant imagine what another month will bring!!!