My night at the ER...

A few weeks ago I googled about this lump under my arm pit. I seen the word cancer on google and shut it off.  I know how I am if I read stuff, but I just didn't want to deal with it, I felt fine. 

Saturday night comes around and I noticed that the spot under my was still there and it was aggravating me.  I decided to google it and then fear crept in. In the back of my mind I know that my kidney cancer exam is coming up to its 2 year mark and I thought about it every once in awhile, but was dreading it. 

I had went to church the next day and in Sunday school I asked them to pray for my surgery coming up and this lump under my arm and for peace of mine.  Later that day at work I noticed that my back starting to hurt on the left side where my only kidney is left.  Let me just say that I have been as close to God as I can be and the devil got a hold of me like no other.  I couldn't shake him to save my life. 

Monday comes and I'm just a nervous wreck.  I make an appointment to get it looked at and it wasn't until Tuesday.  While I was at work Monday night, I was different.  My co-worker never seen me so stressed out.  I cried and couldn't focus.   I'm glad I had her there to help me and comfort me. 

A little insight in my life is I don't get much comfort.  My grandpa is an 84 year old man who doesn't know what to say or do, but he just knows to pray for me.  I sometimes wonder why God gave me such a small environment for not much simple comfort or ease of words.  I'm made to need a simple hug and to be told everything is going to be okay. 

At work I ended up calling my Urologist and setting up an appointment on Thursday.  MOST people reading this, hopefully most likely have never faced cancer.  You cant really sit there and say what you would do or not do.  Its always in the back of your mind and you know that in an instant your life could be turned upside down.  Not knowing or waiting on results is one of the hardest times emotionally and mentally.

Later that night my co-worker suggested that maybe I go to the ER after work so have some peace of mind.  After thinking about it, I thought it was good idea.  My back and abdominal section did hurt and I couldn't even sit there comfortably.  When 9:30pm, I couldn't even focus and I decided to leave at 10:00 and just head in to the ER.  I went home and changed and got me some shorts in case I was going to stay or needed a gown or something and got me a book to read. 

I go in and tell them whats wrong and they tell me its going to be a 2 hours wait.  I was fine with it, I was where I wanted to be.  I sat there and had some friends pray for me and finished reading my book.  I caught up on some devotions and played a balloon popping game on my phone that relaxes me.

My, 'Hi Im scared' look!

One of the nurses called me to get some blood drawn and to pee in a cup and then I went back in the waiting room to wait.  After 2 hours I finally was called to the back and while walking there, the nurse grabbed a gown.  I instantly thought, "What did they find in my blood or urine?"  I always get the room that has no TV, the one where its in the back with my own bathroom.  Since it was just me anyways, it was good time for me to spend with God. 

A nurse came in and got my vitals and after awhile the Dr came in.  I told her what was going on and she examined me and then ordered a CT scan.  I was scared but it was what I had been wanting.  You have to understand that even though I had an appointment for Thursday with my Urologist, they would of scheduled a CT scan with the hospital and it would of taken a week or so and I would of had all these co-pays and then end up waiting a week for the results.  God has been blessing and that night was part of His blessings. 

A lady came and wheeled me to the X-ray room.  She was my age and we just hit it off and started talking about life and surgeries.  While I laid there and had my body in this donut shaped machine, I kept praying and thinking within minutes my life could be different.  When it was done, the lady told me, "I didn't see anything, the contrast looked good and that your kidney looks like its working good."  In that moment, I had HOPE!  Part of the weight that I had, was lifted.  I knew she wasn't the Dr, but just that little sentence helped me alot.  She knew I was scared. 

I go back to the room and I wait!  I pray and I sing, "Blessed me the name of the Lord", and I claimed in Jesus Name that I was cancer free and I trusted it!  I told God that this body isn't mine and its in His hands.  After waiting, a few more vitals, the nurse comes in and he hands me my discharge papers.  He didn't say anything, and then asked me if the Dr came in, I told him "No".  He said, "Well everything looks good and we are going to treat you with a UTI, here's your prescription and your paperwork that you need to sign".  This man, all evening was out of it, I could tell he was in his own world.  I had told him previously that I had cancer and I was nervous and then I asked him when he handed me my discharge papers, "So I have no cancer?" and he goes "You had cancer?"  I'm thinking, UH YES!!!!  I'm not just saying this for kicks and giggles.  Anyways, I was happy and relieved though I wanted the Dr to look at my arm, but at the moment, I didn't care.  I just wanted to go cry and thank God.

I am truly blessed!  God has given me alot of strength and I know the closer that I walk with God, the more He just loves to see me smile, because He is ALWAYS showing Himself to me.  Today I had to work at my part time job and its so simple for what I'm about to say, but it was one of those moments when you just look up and smile and thank Him.

I was censoring clothes and folding them and I needed one more hanger.  I said, "Lord, it would be great if you got me a hanger, I trust you!"  I stood there still folding clothes with this one shirt just laying there needs a hanger.  My co-worker walked up to the table I was at and she laid down one hanger and I asked her if she was using it and she said, "No, I found it over there".  I smiled and giggled and then told her what I'm telling you!  I just want share what God can do.  He cares about the BIG things in our lives and He cares about the small things in our lives.  The truth is, He wants to show Himself to you everyday.  He wants to pour out His abundant blessings to you every single day.  He always wants us to trust Him and lean on Him and do His will in our lives.    There is nothing God cant do and He is a loving God.  I am so thankful, blessed and loved by Him and I trust Him with my love life, my health, my finances, my needs, my desires, my dreams and my future.  Nothing on this earth is mine and we here a blink compared to our eternity.  God created us to worship Him and to share His love towards others.  He wants us to bring people to Christ and to have His light shine within us.  Following Christ, makes life so much better!  Yes the enemy is right on your tracks to make you fail, to throw temptation in your way, to make life difficult, but God is one who is there to catch you and fight for you!

If there is anything in your life, that you struggle (mine is trusting with health and finances), then I ask as hard as it may be, to try and hand it over to the one who can give you the strength and direction to overcome or open doors for you!  Don't forget that each and every single person walking this earth is struggling with something.  We live in a fallen world, but Jesus came and overcame it!