I mentioned before that I haven't really "heard" God speak to me lately, but He has been laying things on my heart. I still hear His voice, but this whole new level of seeking my heart and searching Him is very rewarding.
I catch myself starting to wonder about things that are out of my control. I sit there sometimes and think of "what ifs" and what the future holds. I have started to realize that when that happens, I instantly rebuke the devil in Jesus name and pray and ask God to give me His thoughts. Almost instantly, my mind refocuses on what I need to be thinking about. That prayer alone, for God to give me His thoughts, has changed my life.
What void am I feeling?
God has been so gracious to me. A few weeks ago, when I had my melt down and was quite angry with God, I really felt like I needed that. I needed my rock bottom. During that whole time, I realized that I wasn't having trust and faith in God, I only thought I was. I have learned to take each-day-at-a-time! You might be thinking that I'm slow and crazy for just now realizing this, but this is huge to me. I actually look at the future as a gift each day, whether I work or its my day off. Ive also noticed that when I try and make plans for things ahead, when I just go with the flow, its actually alot more rewarding and peaceful.
When I look back at my life and how much I tried to plan ahead, it stressed me out and stressed the people around me out. If I started to plan my birthday right now, there would be no way. I don't know who's going to be in my life at that point and I don't know financially where I will be. So why worry about it? What about today? Whats going on today? Who can you reach out too and encourage today? Jesus is here right now! I always thought that if you plan ahead, you are organized and ready for the bumps. Truth is, a few months ago, I was planning a wedding that I thought was promised to me. I honestly felt like there was no way that it couldn't happen, because that's what I felt God tell me and tell me that this man is my husband. Then the bump in the road happened and now I have no clue what tomorrow brings. The most amazing thing about it is, I trust God! I trust Him with today and tomorrow. I focus only on today though and if its Gods will, then it will happen whenever with whomever. I need to let God do the work in my life!
The void that I'm feeling is worry. Its amazing! I lived each day with worry. Worry about bills, worry about health, worry about this person doing this, or worry about my house being clean. I didn't live with faith and peace. Now that I'm CHOOSING to trust and have faith in God, a part of me that I felt for so long, is now voided. Will I ever worry again? Of course. Will I ever think with "what ifs"? Yes. But I honestly feel like God is giving me a time to learn to rest with His peace, so I can build my trust and faith in Him.
A better way for me to explain this is, I can feel the enemy, here, knocking, trying to mess with my mind and put those thoughts that are not from God in me, to make my life miserable. I can feel Gods strength blocking him away, while I rest in Him. At times when I let my guard down and start doing my own thing, that's when I feel the enemy start to get to me and I run straight back to God. My Heavenly Father has been molding me into the woman He wants me to be and I cant wait till my waiting room is over and I can step out with God holding my hand into my next blessings in this life.
If you are in a waiting room or a season of your life where its confusing and you don't understand, I recommend seeking the One who does know what tomorrow holds or a year from now holds. The truth of the matter is that God wants you to seek Him, so He can bless you and pour out His blessings, which are the best kind, into your life! Just think, if we all had an easy life where we didn't struggle, we wouldn't need God, we wouldn't need to cry out and have our Heavenly Father carry us and comfort us. He allows things to happen to redirect our focus on the path He has for us.
I know that if God didn't separate my relationship 2 months ago, there would of been no way I would of been the wife and mother that God created me to be. I needed to go through this and when it first happened, I didn't understand and I struggled with what I felt like God promised me. Its always time, that we can look back and see the growth and what God did in our lives. I know Gods not done and a month from now I might be writing more and adding more of what God has done and something new I learned. I do pray daily for God to write my love story. The power God has done in my life to grow in just 2 months, I cant imagine what Hes doing in my future husbands life. If your single and reading this, there is nothing wrong with praying for your future spouse, asking God to prepare their hearts for marriage. I do pray for you to ask God for His purpose in your life, that He can show you the great plans He has for you! Also that if your struggling with something, that you lift it up to God, and allow him to take it and mold you, so you can be a great disciple in Christ for Him!
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