Compassion

I cant believe myself.  I cant believe how I look at people so differently.  The past couple days, I have asked God to put people in my path to help in any way and God has done just that.  I have compassion for people that I never did before.  I know I sound heartless and don't get me wrong, I did care about people and their well being, but I focused so much on me and who was around me that I didn't have COMPASSION!!

I wonder how I lived before.  I really sit here wishing I could explain the change in me.  I thought I was this strong Godly woman, but I see a very selfish person.  I know I loved the Lord and wanted to do things that please Him, but my heart was very limited.

When Brian and my best friend would sit there and tell me they like to help people, I thought it was great.  I remember thinking, whats wrong with me? Why don't I want to do it to their extreme?  People take advantage of them, because they help so much, and they use them.  I remember thinking all these things, but I was wrong.  The small things I have done that I feel God has placed in front of me has made me look at my own life and see how blessed I truly am.  A few words and advice to a Walmart worker could possibly let her get pregnant and have her dreams fulfilled.  A simple phone call over one conversation, end up telling me some tragic news that they didn't want to tell anyone till further results, could help by simply praying for them, as they go through this. These are just 2 simple things that have been placed before me the past 2 days and it really does help you not focus on your life and your problems, but with my life, I still have hope and faith in God that what He has been telling me will still happen.

I'm not sure when I'm going to publish this blog, but its Saturday night, early Sunday morning and I'm so excited about going to church tomorrow and I'm going alone.  I want to hear a message and to praise God in singing!!!  God has been so good to me and has given me a peace that I was surprised I would have.

Yes, I love Brian and I hope that God brings us together when we are strong and confident in ourselves and our spiritual walk.  I know personally God has been doing His work in my life and letting me see through a new pair of eyes and I'm so thankful.  To pray the prayer, 'For God to mold me into the woman He wants me to be', was something I don't regret.  I feel Him molding me each and everyday and I'm honestly excited when God brings Brian and I together, so I can be the woman He needs to support Him in his walk with the Lord.  Yes, I said WHEN!! :)

I know you probably am wondering why I would say when, considering I don't know the future and your right!!! I don't know.....but I do know that if Brian and I don't end up together, then I'm going to have sit down and talk to God, because what I feel is so strong and I know its not me, because I have prayed for God to change my heart if its not right and so far......nothing.  Now I'm not stupid, technically, and I know my heart can change at any moment, but until then, I will say when.

My heart has been softened during this time in my life.  I have had a handful of people tell me to go help people and I know when something is said repetitive,  I feel its God giving me a hint.   Last time when I was newly single, everyone kept telling me to stop worrying about the other person and to focus on me and what God has me to do.  If only I listened to that right away, I would of saved myself alot of time and struggle.  This time I caught on to what people around me were telling me over and over and so I'm listening and its working!

I'm going to keep praying for God to show me or place people in my life for me to help.  I just realized that both times, God has placed those people in front of me who are going through something I have gone through.  I know that's how I will be used mostly in this life, because I know God told me from my early 20's, that I will write a book and share my testimony.  I do feel that God is still writing my story and of course He always will to the end of my death, but my story that needs to go into the book.  I pray everyday for God to use me!

I would recommend when you are ready, to pray the prayer for God to mold you into the man/woman that He wants you to be.  Everyone is going to be molded differently and have different circumstances.  With me, I feel like I needed to be separated to put my focus on God and His plan with no distractions, but that's how I work and God knows that's what I need. I feel like it takes me out of my comfort zone, out of the equation and makes me step back and look at myself and in that moment of selflessness and vulnerability, God can speak and show things to me more clearly.