I'm at my cousins wedding..... Well today is the day. I'm so happy for her.... I'm so proud of her, to see her happy and about to start a new chapter and journey for her life. I can honestly say there is no jealousy. I do on the other hand look at my life.
I too, was
supposed to be planning a wedding this year. I knew in my heart with
peace that it was God's plan. I've been struggling a bit trying to
grasp what happened. I don't understand why, when I prayed about
everything. I prayed if this man was the one for me over and over. I
prayed if the date was the correct date and still felt peace. I prayed
if we should book the wedding reception place and still felt led too.
So why is it almost July and the man I was going to marry is seeking to
find his future wife? I'm struggling with trying to see the bigger picture. Trying to see what God already sees when I know I never will. I'm struggling with yes, I understand how I was but why God would say a man is for me and it not come to pass.
I believe God is the all knowing and he knows each and every step, action and thought before we were even created. I can't imagine a God who is the all knowing purposefully tell me, show me, and use other people to reveal a man to me that was my future husband when I didn't have an open heart too want him, and God KNOW ING that later we would not end up. Some people say that God gives us free will and maybe yall were meant to be, but Brian chose different so God will send you someone else. I agree we have free will, but I disagree with that statement. Here's an example. It's like if God promised Abraham and Sarah that they would have a child, then Abraham left and went to another country and never came back. Because of Abrahams choice (which God already knew the choice he would of made) they now won't have a child? Wouldn't that be a lie? Wouldn't that be a let down of a God? Why would he of said it if he wouldn't deliver the promise?
Then I have people say that God can change his mind. I disagree with that too. How would God be the all knowing if he dosent know later down the road if he might change his mind? If he does know that something is going to change then wouldn't that just be God's plan? So then we go back to the promises mentioned before..... I can't imagine our God telling us something that may happen and then it never does. How could you trust and have faith in God that way?
So there is option 3....which is.... Maybe you heard wrong, does it line up to the Scriptures? How I was acting in the relationship, no.... BUT... Everything I asked for in a man who lined up with me spiritually, morally and religious wise.... Yes.... Which in turn is equally yolked . I didn't hear one thing, one time and went with it. I prayed on it for months and months. I had people coming out of the work sheds who I didn't know sometimes say we were meant to be and we looked like we have been married for a while. I understand the enemy can say and use whoever, but then how is it that God touched my heart for two days of the list I carried around for years and brian was everything off that list? I forgot all about that list and then God reminded me.
Option 4.... You're life's not over and it dosent mean it won't happen. This is true.... I'm really trying to live my life one day at a time. I know spiritually I'm ready for my next husband. I have no desire to seek or search for him, because I want God to write my love story with whomever it may be. I don't know the time or place, but I know i can't make someone love me or be with me. For the first time I want God to have the reigns in my love life. I pray that whoever I do marry he's allowing it too, and when God sees it best fit for both of us, we will meet and will just know that God brought us together.
I used to try and seek happiness in men even if they were temporary. Now that I'm walking with Christ, he's the one who will always make me happy no matter what. I want God's blessings, I want His purpose and will for my life. I want to be fine and content with or without someone. I can't just run and try to find someone to move on with life, it's where my trust and faith lies that God will place them in my life at the right time.
At the end of the day I have no clue who and when I will marry. Every time I have the feelings to move forward and move on because well.....he seems to have..... I'm reminded to 'wait' and let me tell you, I can get very frustrated and discouraged. Deep down since he seems to of moved on, it would be nice for me too. I can honestly sit here and say that I'm not holding on because I want too, I'm holding on to God's hand that what he has placed on my heart is what I need to do. I want to obey my Lord and Savior and I know that at the end I will be rewarded.
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