As
I sit here at work, working 5 hours overtime, I have alot on my mind.
I have been discouraged lately with where God has me. I have always
been so easy to hear God, but lately have not heard Him with any
direction in my life and I started to get aggrivated and upset.
Since
my relationship ended, Ive had people pray for me and root me on and
now that time has passed they are all for me moving on. I agree, when
the other person looks like they have moved on and want nothing to do
with you, the best option is to move on, sounds easy right? What if you
are told to stop? What if you are told to wait? Dont you think you
would get aggrivated and discouraged?
My
friend one night knew I was having a hard time and prayed hard for God
to reveal something to her. All of a sudden she told me this pretty
much popped up on her phone and she sent me the link. The link talks
about God purposely not speaking to you, because either A. your right
where you belong or B. He just dosent want to tell you, because He wants
to reveal it to you. I cried like a baby at work (whats new). I will
post a link of that website, but I just want you know, that in my 28
years of living, I never heard or had someone explain something the way
this link did. It made me have hope in God, for whatever He wants to
reveal to me. I dont know Gods plan, but the fact of the matter, I have
heard 3 times in 1 day that when you cant hear God, but your doing
everything right in your heart that pleases God, this is the biggest
trial of all.
I
have to go forward each day, not hearing God lead me, but simply
trusting that the tools He has taught me over the past 4 months, that I
will apply them and trust that His plan will be revealed in my life.
How hard do you think it could be, to hear God your whole life, tell
you where you should go and then all you hear is WHAT NOT TO DO? I had
my mind set up that I was going to move forward and do my own thing. I
was going to date and maybe join a website to talk to some people to get
myself out there, so I can move on. God said "NO". I got mad, I didnt
understand, I was tired of waiting and holding on, I was ready to move
forward with my life, because Im not getting any younger.
I
have to say that since reading the book, "When God writes your love
story", it really has opened up my eyes. It talks about waiting and
trusting God whole heartdly that He will write your love story, that you
need to hand over the pen and let Him write. I realized, by me going
on a dating website, really isnt trusting God that He will bring someone
to me, that I would be simply trying to make my own love story happen.
Also, the book talks about saving yourself physically and emotionally
for your future spouse. As I got older, usually people give themselves
more freely, but Im actually going back to me as a teenger. I want to
save myself for my future husband. I talked in therapy about me giving
myself to 2 men in my life and I have asked for forgiveness. I have
realized that I wasnt supposed to marry my ex husband, so I made that
choice, because I didnt trust God to write my love story. I dont regret
nothing, but I just know this time, I want too do it right. I want to
have total faith in God and allow the man He wants me to be with, in my
life and at the right time. I cant say I wont struggle or be tempted, or
fail as a human one day, but right here, right now, Im vowing to myself
that I want what God wants and I know Hes asking me to wait and trust
Him.
The
book asks you whats your desires in your future husband. I made a list
of a couple as in a godly man, someone who wants to seek Gods will and
to please Him with his whole might, someone who is waiting and praying
for me, someone who is remaining pure for me and not allowing himself to
be emotionally or physically active to girls for temporary happiness. I
also would like a man whos attitude reflects in his life like Christ. I
truly want a man whos heart is after Gods and trusts Him, because I
know together as a couple when life faces trials or temptations that my
future husband can and will help me face them with Gods strength. I
dont want a man who lives of the world or who is okay with living a
lifestyle not from God. I know I will never marry someone perfect, but I
want someone who at leasts tries, its all I can ask. The book then
says, if these are your desires and you are seeking God, then God put
those desires in your heart and if they look like its an impossible
person, dont settle, because if God put them there, then there is a man
out there for you like that. It just made me smile.....to know that my
God wants the best for me and I cant wait and I pray for my future
husband that hes praying and waiting on me too. I hope God is working
on him as He is working in me and together we can do Gods will and help
lead people to Christ.
I
do think back, if I would of focused on God as a child and listened to
God, could I of saved myself from a bunch of heartache and trials? I
chose to be with with my ex husband whom I was scared to pray to make
sure he was the one because I was scared to hear no. Also, I chose to
be with my ex boyfriend in sin, because I justified it because our
spouses left us. I chose that. I again chose to have a broken heart.
The whole relationship from this year.......I dont know, I didnt choose
it, that was a God given thing, but I guess because of my actions, I
chose to have a broken heart. How many of us reading this have made our
own choices without really confiding in God or letting him have the pen
of our lives? How many things have gone sour or just didnt work out?
The book talks about even if you dont hear God tell you a certain
direction to go and it still goes sour, sometimes it could be that way,
because we live in a fallen world and if its for God, then you betcha,
the world will be against it.
I
know Ive written alot, but all I ask, is that you pray for me, because
this is going to be a tough time, as I, as a human will long to feel
wanted and desired, but yet will try my hardest to remain focused on God
till he feels Im fully ready and my future husband is ready to start
writing our love story.
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