My grandpa

As Fathers Day approaches, I always go to the man that helped raised me, which is my grandfather.  He is such a good godly man and I couldn't of ask for a better role model growing up.  As I have gone to therapy, working on me and learning what it is that made me who I am from my childhood, my therapist figured something out.

My grandpa and I at Christmas, and me alot bigger

Growing up, I always seen this strong willed of a mother who had to be the mother and father in discipline and she worked her tail off to provide.  I saw my grandpa take care of me and let my mother do her thing, but never really saw a strong man that took control.  I always thought I needed a man with a backbone, but in reality, it was me.  I need to show more love, caring and compassion and that's exactly what I have been doing.  I used to treat my grandpa as a child, taking care of him and everything, but since I have been treating him as an elder, a man I love, his whole attitude has changed.  I didn't realize the impact I did, just on him alone, so I cant imagine the intense I did to the other men I had in my life.

My grandpa now offers more help and encourages me and helps me.  He wants to do more and I know its because before he always thought he might do it wrong and I would make a big deal out of it.  Since being calm and respecting him, I can tell hes more happy and it makes me feel awful for the way I was before, but the truth is, I cant change it, but move forward, learn and be able to keep doing it.  I never told my grandpa what I learned in therapy, I just changed what I was doing.

My therapist told me, that my grandpa is the man that I need to start on, need to start changing my ways and then when Gods time comes, I can and will be able to treat my husband that way.  Its so much peaceful, but for some reason, this is the time that God wanted me to learn this.  I know God has great things ahead of me and this is just 20 steps closer.

I wrote this a week ago and each day that passes, its getting so much easier and so much rewarding.  I am reminded that such small things I would complain about, was nothing.  I made big deals over nothing and now that I see it, I simply just be quiet and move forward.  Today, I saw that my grandpa spilt something in the refrigerator.  He admitted that he spilt it, but just didn't clean it up.  My old self would of told him, "Why didn't you clean it up?  Can you clean it up?  It isn't hard, if you noticed that you spilt something?"  Instead, I asked him about it, went and got a paper towel and cleaned it up.  It wasn't a big mess, but I would of took it as laziness of my grandpas part, but instead thought, maybe he cant bend down and wipe it off, so it took me a whole minute to do something so small.  He told me he would clean it up and I told him that I got it.

Some people reading this, might think I was cold hearted and a B word, and your right.  I try and see people as Jesus sees people and if I can do something to help or make someone smile or feel good, then I'm going to do it.  My grandpa is a great role model of sacrifice and unselfishness and I admire him for that.  I am very blessed to have a godly man in my life, even its just my grandpa.  Hes the only parent I have left and I wouldn't trade him for the world.  I know that his purpose on this earth isn't done yet, and I know that its to help me, hopefully to be the best woman I can be!