I got busy and noticed I wasn't praying as much, I noticed that my apps on my phone were getting behind and my mind was thinking alot of negative thoughts and even my eating habits slacked. Its crazy how easily it is to take our eyes off of God, even if its for a short time and how easily the devil can just walk right in and bring you down.
My thoughts were horrible. I started doubting everything and getting so confused. I wasn't at peace in my life and questioned my future. I didn't know what to do and I couldn't hear God so clearly. I couldn't tell between my thoughts, the enemies thoughts and Gods thoughts.
I tried to catch up on my apps on my phone one night, since I was at work by myself, and I did a pretty good job, but was disappointed in myself that I allowed that to happen.
My eating habits were a joke. Though it wasn't the most horrible foods, it still was food that I cant have and my exercise even slacked. I did tell myself that I was getting back on track with everything and so far, so good.
I did on the other hand do my daily Proverbs 31 woman book, and have been sticking myself loyal to that. I actually look forward to doing it everyday. Its my 15 minutes alone with God and reexamining my life and the way God wants it to be.
So I ask myself, why did I allow my eyes to be taken off of God? I cant sit here and say that they were totally off of God, because I did pray and have my daily time with him, but my focus was on the worldly things and not of my Heavenly Father. I woke up one morning mad and angry and I reached out to people like my old self did. I did get some good advice from a few friends, but when I realized what I was doing, I quickly went to my closet sat there not looking at anything and started crying out to Jesus. I felt so distant from Him and its the worst feeling ever. I sat there for awhile not even saying anything, I didn't have the words, but I know God knows my heart. I asked for peace and reassurance and I told him its getting harder by the day and that I want to give up.
I was reminded from what one of my friends said that the longer I wait, the closer I am. I was reminded of the story of a man in a boat in the ocean and it was foggy. He was praying and asking God to help lead him to his destination, but he couldn't see because of all the fog. He was paddling and paddling and then he gave up and turned around because he couldn't see the land and he was tired. Little did he know, he was only feet away from his destination, but because he couldn't see it, he gave up and went back.
That story to me is our lives. We cant see the whole picture, but God can. So when things arnt going our way and we are tired of waiting, don't give up, because we don't know how close we are to our blessing. I don't want to be the man in the boat and be feet away from my Gods destination that He has for me and gives up. I need to keep having faith that each day that goes by, I'm getting closer to Gods plan being fulfilled.
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